"Hi, My name is..part 2: Antony Worrall Tompson

"Hi, My name is Antony Worrall Thompson"

"Hi, My name is Antony Worrall Thompson". You may remember me as that fat beardy chef from BBC2's 'Ready, Steady, Cook', the cookery programme for people with no teeth and heads like satsumas, hosted by condescending turkey necked piss stain 'Fern Britton'.

Since filming this show I have been into the jungle on 'I'm a celebrity get me an Iceland advert', and I have also stared in the West End play 'The return of Bunters hairy uncle Lord Slugbait' in which I played the role of 'Lord Slugbait'.

After taking part in this staggering array of tough jobs, I have taken some time off to busy myself on completing a brand new Game show I am writing for Channel 5 Called 'Take what you can, while you can'.

In my Game show contestants have to try and pass items of shopping through the self-service checkouts without paying, and without being caught out by roving CCTV cameras and store security. The contestant that gets away with the highest value of items, without being collared by the filth is crowned 'Thief of the week'. The contestants caught out by CCTV, or store security will be branded a member of the 'Red hand gang', and will be subjected to massive public embarrassment as their face is splashed across all Newspapers and T.V. channels, as well as being forced to make a snivelling public apology like some pathetic, weak willed little Faganite who failed to keep their greedy little mitts to themselves.

As well as being crowned 'Thief of the week', the winner will also receive free tickets to see my very own Operatic version, and take on the 'Charles Dickens' classic 'Oliver Twist' which I have renamed 'Oliver Twist from behind bars'. The lead role of 'Oliver Twist' is being played by the 'Peter Pan of puke' 'Mr Darren Day, and yours truly 'Mr Antony Worrall Thompson' will be playing the part of a foul, vomit splashed, and urine stinking prison cell.

Mr Antony Worrall Thompson is also available for delivery driver jobs, and hosting local piss parties.

                                                                                                     By Roland Barnacle