Olympic Game Idea 1: Fleece the poor

Epitome of misery holds the eternal flame

With the coming of the 2012 Olympic Games just around the corner we look at the new game ideas considered for introduction this year.

The continual devastation of the economy has produced some excellent ideas destined to enter the global cultural lexicon. One brilliant idea is currently being touted behind the scenes of the Olympic Games and it aims to take more money out of circulation and into the coffers of the very rich.

It is a very entertaining and simple game: Olympic fraud.

For the poor, needy and vulnerable in our society there will be a special tax introduced called the Olympic tax. Although it is clearly illegal and has never been officially introduced by the state, it will be the task of a crack team of Olympians to action. This team will only consist of Olympians who failed to qualify for the Games in their chosen speciality. So all manner of below par athletes will make themselves and their fellow Olympians a nice tidy profit out of the poor.

Although there is no official tax value set in stone, the failed Olympians will harass, badger, intimidate, insult and cajole their way through the population hoping to earn upwards of £1000 per person for the Olympic tax.

It remains to be seen just who will earn the most money defrauding the population but our money is on the more violent sportsmen out there. According to some sources even the dear Lord Seb Coe, underwriter of Tory hell for the population, is itching to get involved. After making a colossal fortune as a lord it has given him a real taster for the most important thing on earth: lots of money. Now it looks as if he can't wait to make his mark. Some say he has already hired several heavies from his past such as Fatima Whitbread, Geoff Capes and Daly Thompson, as well as creating a special uniform for them with his face planted on the back of their jackets. If true, then his take on the specially non-lawful tax will also bear his moniker: the Seb Coe Charity Tax. A clever way of further defrauding the public.

A spokesperson for the poor of Britain has allegedly said: 'We can't wait for the failed athletes to knock on our doors demanding payment for the Olympic Tax. It is something we have all been looking forward to for a long time. We've had enough of the cut backs by the Tories because it's money we shouldn't have anyway. This new tax is perfect because it allows us to pay our debt back to society and also help pay for the Olympic Games that we will not be allowed anywhere near to watch. All in all it is a win win situation.'

Further comments drawn from our sources at homeless shelters across Britain effusively gushed about this wonderful new Olympic game idea:
'It's really innovative and exciting. It gives us on the streets a real chance at becoming involved with the great Olympic Games. Although they won't be able to extract too much money from us because we are homeless I have heard that a new game idea has sprung up to tackle this problem and make some money. They're planning on taking the filthiest of us and getting us drunk and then sending us into middle class homes to wreck them and run away. Once this has happened they will turn up and offer their services to fix the affected properties and make some money. For some of the homeless they are planning on beating us senseless, filming the action and selling it online. My heart swells with pride at the thought they've put into this.'

So there you have it. A great new idea for the Olympic Games and also a couple of new reality TV shows in the mix: Olympic Tax Offenders, Homeless People Wreck Your Home and Live Fight Tonight: Homeless People v Failed Olympians.

The viewing figures are likely to go through the roof.

By Rupert Candle