Please can you help?

   MISSING BROWN SHOE

Please can you help me to find my favourite missing brown shoe. It was last seen on a very heavy night out with four female Russian gymnasts and the entire cast of 'War horse on ice'.

Life has become so difficult for me at the moment walking backwards and forwards to work with just one shoe on. My sock keeps stretching to enormous lengths especially when it is soaked by the rain which is causing small dogs to attack the soggy material as they think it is a funny toy.

I can last remember having both shoes on just after a game of 'Air Kebab', and just before an incident involving two packets of wine gums, Leonard Nimoy's stunt double (a northern lad called Brian), and a discarded shopping trolley full of hookers just over two weeks ago.

The local police have been very understanding, but alas they have stopped me from going back to the police station again as they said that for me to do so would result in the one of the policeman having to beat me rather severely to death.

So it is with deep sincerity and a soggy, swollen foot the size of a rugby ball, that I have decided to put out this 'Missing Brown Shoe' poster in the hope that an eagle eyed member of the British public may have some information, or know of it's whereabouts.


Yours hopefully

Mr Bradley Mandela Sparrow

189 Kindergarten Alley
Just behind B&Q car park
Cardboard Box in the far corner
The one with cat piss on the side
Great Yarmouth
Norfolk