The Diamond Jubilee canoe

A picture of Jeremy Sandwiche's canoe

As the country slides into a deeper manufactured recession, deliberately designed to squash the poor, impoverished and needy members of the great british public into the weakest possible position imaginable, it is good to know that our wonderful, warm hearted, Royal family are organising a lavish, super indulgent, and in grotesquely bad taste considering the current situation for a vast majority of the great british public, Diamond jubilee celebration of monumental proportions.

By far the biggest indulgence is the construction of a 210ft, ornate, gold adourned, Diamond jubilee barge.

The £60 million pound barge will be the centre point of this hierarciacal display of royal power, and hereditary supperiority aimed glaringly at the Royal familys long suffering peasants of whom not one of us they give a damn about.

The good and decent, hardworking tax payers have been told with no mincing of words that we need to tighten our belts, and endure the cut backs to not only our health service, but our schools, councils, frontline services, and many other social situations. These very cut backs of which every single one are un-necessary endanger our elderly members of the public, individuals with disabilities, vulnerable people of many varying circumstances and personal situations, and the decent members of our armed services who risk their lives for a country that leaves them under equiped, under valued, and neglected as they take part in manufactured conflicts, all of which are part of the illuminated big picture.

My idea for the Royal family is simply this.

Firstly: Get a proper job.

Secondly: Stop sponging off the backs of the decent, hardworking tax payers who you could not care less about and pay your own way.

And lastly get rid of that hierarciacal supperiority complex and realise that your self indulged, self importance of Royal stature is seriously past it's sell by date.

My other idea however is instead of constructing a 210ft Diamond jubilee barge, why don't the Royal family have constructed a Diamond jubilee Canoe. Fits one Monarch. Easy to steer. Waterproof, although one will need to be careful with oar splash. No need for sails or engines (don't forget your carbon footprint is really important these days). And no need to spend £60 million pounds of tax payers money (I can get a cheap canoe off my mate Jeremy Sandwich for £75 if you are interested) on a humongous 210ft, gold encrusted, jewel sparkling river turd!

What do you think?


                                                                                                      By Roland Barnacle