Freaky fashion week: Part 1

Strike a pose style icons

Straight from the fashion shows of Milan we have three fantastic examples of the high end brilliance in design, style, and modelling beauty that the fashion world can bring to the high street.

From left to right we start with 'Dog face tranquilliser girl'.

'Dog face tranquilliser girl' is sporting two completely different legs which is a really new and innovative look for this seasons followers of the ridiculous, as it requires the model to have a leg of choice amputated and swapped with a fellow amputee ready for sewing back on to finish this moronic look.

The dark blue denim dress was actually made from a discarded pair of John Wayne's dusty old cowboy trousers. The trousers required a week in quarantine before any human hands were able to transform this huge flatulent pair of cowboy trousers, into something equally as shite as they were before.

As for the face mask and head dress, both of these were grafted on during a black magic ritual whilst deep in the heart of the Amazon jungle, and enable the wearer to not only pass out from lack of oxygen, but to feel anxious and very claustrophobic at all times.

In the centre we have 'Cliff Evans Lady boy'.

'Cliff Evans Lady boy' is wearing a flouncy red dress that was very kindly made by a blind midget called 'Miggle'. The fabric for the dress was originally white, but 'Miggle' decided that it must be red, and so promptly bled himself over the dress using a bread knife until severe blood loss caused him to pass out. 

The sandals were created by weaving horse hair, some old rope, magic beans, and a toupee previously worn by 'Punch and Judy's' love child 'Bruce Forsyth' to form the hideous shape. A process of heavy steaming was finally applied to produce this anorak wearer style of sandals.

Finally we have 'Lulu brain disease cat'.

'Lulu brain disease cat' is looking rather stretched in this fabulous pair of trousers recently stolen from 'Dale Winton's' washing line. The white blouse is a simple addition and was lovingly made from a bed sheet by tailor to the stars 'Lionel ritchie' after he had arrived back from a lengthy expedition in which he sailed solo around the world in a wooden thimble

The bed sheet material was found in a recently vacated crack den, and required two months of radioactive exposure to kill the strong stench of humanity gone wrong from within it. The material was then stroked rather vigorously by the cast of 'Les Miserables' to give it that wafting air of operatic twit, and then finally ironed rather flat by a steam roller which was steered rather badly by a horse called 'Simon'. 

So there you have three great example's of high end Milan fashion. Be on the look out for part two of this exciting new fashion range from the streets of fashion's capital.


By Arnie Canoe