How the stars relax part 10: Ronnie Corbett

I'm the role model for the CIA

Ronnie Corbett, Pint sized jar of spectacled ape semen, and the role model for CIA assasination squads, likes to relax by standing on a crate and pissing through peoples letterboxes.

                                                                                                        By Roland Barnacle

How the stars relax Part 9: Paul Daniels

I've got my own purpose built Hovercraft

Paul Daniels, Ferret haired human sick bag, and wearer of socks with sandals, likes to relax by whizzing around his local Village pond, and scaring the Ducks featherless on his purpose built hovercraft.

                                                                                                              By Roland Barnacle

How the stars relax part 7: Shane Richie

I love being a Crocodile

Shane Richie, Sick faced grease ball, and man voted most likely to contract arse wrench, likes to relax by putting on a rubber crocodile suit, and crawling through local shopping centres terrifying small children.

                                                                                                       By Roland Barnacle

"Hi, My name is..part 2: Antony Worrall Tompson

"Hi, My name is Antony Worrall Thompson"

"Hi, My name is Antony Worrall Thompson". You may remember me as that fat beardy chef from BBC2's 'Ready, Steady, Cook', the cookery programme for people with no teeth and heads like satsumas, hosted by condescending turkey necked piss stain 'Fern Britton'.

Since filming this show I have been into the jungle on 'I'm a celebrity get me an Iceland advert', and I have also stared in the West End play 'The return of Bunters hairy uncle Lord Slugbait' in which I played the role of 'Lord Slugbait'.

After taking part in this staggering array of tough jobs, I have taken some time off to busy myself on completing a brand new Game show I am writing for Channel 5 Called 'Take what you can, while you can'.

In my Game show contestants have to try and pass items of shopping through the self-service checkouts without paying, and without being caught out by roving CCTV cameras and store security. The contestant that gets away with the highest value of items, without being collared by the filth is crowned 'Thief of the week'. The contestants caught out by CCTV, or store security will be branded a member of the 'Red hand gang', and will be subjected to massive public embarrassment as their face is splashed across all Newspapers and T.V. channels, as well as being forced to make a snivelling public apology like some pathetic, weak willed little Faganite who failed to keep their greedy little mitts to themselves.

As well as being crowned 'Thief of the week', the winner will also receive free tickets to see my very own Operatic version, and take on the 'Charles Dickens' classic 'Oliver Twist' which I have renamed 'Oliver Twist from behind bars'. The lead role of 'Oliver Twist' is being played by the 'Peter Pan of puke' 'Mr Darren Day, and yours truly 'Mr Antony Worrall Thompson' will be playing the part of a foul, vomit splashed, and urine stinking prison cell.

Mr Antony Worrall Thompson is also available for delivery driver jobs, and hosting local piss parties.

                                                                                                     By Roland Barnacle

How the stars relax part 6: Joanna Lumley

What a hoot!!

Joanna Lumley, Leather necked humanoid gastropod, and £4.99p bag of dogie chew sticks, likes to relax by creeping up on unsuspecting sunbathers and dangling her sagging breasts into their horrified faces.

                                                                                                      By Roland Barnacle