Good and Plenty



My secret sweet indulgence

This collage is based around one single image, and that is the image of the woman ready to eat 'Good & Plenty' candies. 

I have used fragments of ripped images, along with clean cut images to give the piece a jagged feel in an attempt to surround the woman's face as if she is peering out from a broken window that is reflecting many other images back.

It's as if the woman is hiding away, secretly scoffing her favourite sweets in the peace and quiet of an unknown hideaway where she can indulge her sweet tooth.


For more kaleidoscopic collage, abstract artwork, magazines, comic strips, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kaleidoscopic Universe.


Collage by Heston Quiff

How the stars relax part 15: Lee Evans

I love being Peter Pan

Lee Evans, Hyperactive brain fried spasmoid, and teacher of ancient bollocks, likes to relax by dressing in green tights, and gatecrashing children's school plays pretending to be Peter Pan.


By Roland Barnacle

Image from 'Twat' magazine issue 2: Helena Bonham Carter

I'm the star of Bullseye

Here we have another free image from the magazine called 'Twat' which is produced by the creative team at INK Ltd.

The above image of 'Helena Bonham Carter' was just after she had won a Bafta for her staring role as the quiz master in the film remake of the TV game show 'Bullseye' which originally stared 'Jim Bowen' as an over exuberant genetically modified northern dullard, who on a weekly basis tried to make sense of the contestants inabilities to throw darts at each others heads without making contact.

A special mention was also made on the night of the Illuminated award ceremony of 'Mrs Bonham Carters' ability to not require any special make-up effects on the set of 'Planet of the Apes', the remake carefully put together but her husband 'Pickled Tim' whilst he was quietly having a gigantic dump at a local shopping mall.


By Arnie Canoe

Hangman and the Gimp

Kneel down to your Master

This drawing was conceived very late one evening after a long day at work with my flattened nose firmly pressing against the grindstone.

I thing it reflects my state of mind at the time of one being restricted, choked, and controlled by individuals who were, and still are incapable of tying their own shoe laces up.

Things are very different in my life now for the better, but this image is still a stark reminder of how work made me feel a few years ago now.


By Charlie Cornflake

Terror for Free

Mind if we come in luv

This collage was intended to be a poster for a gig by an experimental band called 'The Harridans'.

The gig never happened and as a result it has remained in one of my many art folders for some time now.

Black and White photography has always interested me far more than colour, so to see an image such as the SAS storming the Iranian embassy, as a Black and White photograph as opposed to colour, for me gives it much more of a menacing characteristic.

The 'Terror for Free' slogan not only referred to the content of the image but the fact that the gig that the poster was created for would have also been for free if it had gone ahead.


By Arnie Canoe 

The many faces of Victoria Beckham Part 3: Glandular Suicide

Glandular Suicide

Here we have another fabulous look at the stunning portfolio of one of the worlds most dynamic and charismatic women Victoria Beckham.

In this pose by Victoria Beckham we can clearly see that her neck is being supported by the sheer brute strength of her hair. Without this her wooden splinter of a neck would easily break under the enormous strain her dustbin lid size of a head is putting it under. This would result in even smaller splinters breaking off leaving Victoria's huge lollipop of a head to crash down to the floor without any support just like a wounded pelican would do if it had just been shot by a poacher...

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Angela's new mouth

I love my brand new mouth

Angela raced through the poorly lit streets.

The damp air made Angela's hair hang limp and bedraggled like an old bundle of rope from off the back of some fish stinking Trawler that had recently been sent to a watery grave for crimes against fish and crabs.

Her pea green jumper clung to her curvaceous body like a piece of clingfilm around what looked like a tortured looking photograph of Angela in 'That pose' she likes to be in on weekends with her masked friends.

In the distance Angela's eyes were firmly fixed on the pale silhouette of a street busker clanking some old rusty soup spoons to the tune of 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' which was playing in a rather faint manner on a rather decrepit looking cassette player next to the buskers feet.

As Angela approached the street busker it was clear to see that over her sweet mouth was what looked like a cut-out from a magazine of somebody Else's mouth. The newly attached mouth was stuck to Angela's face using a pritstick, and had what looked like horizontal lines across the original image making Angela's mouth look like it was in some kind of sideways prison.

A taxi hurtled past Angela just missing her by a split second as she marched over the road and straight up to the street busker who was still playing his rusty old soup spoons to the almost inaudible tune of 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'.

As she stared, eyes wide and glaring, almost possessed and vaguely demonic in their appearance, the street busker finished playing, looked up at Angela's face sporting a brand new cut-out mouth and said:

"Oh hello Angela darling, is it time for me to come home now"

"MMMFFMMF" Angela replied to her father

There was a brief awkward silence

"Is that a cut-out of somebody Else's mouth stuck over your own Angela" her father asked curiously

There was yet another awkward silence

Then as if by some kind of telepathic signal the two of them quickly packed up Angela's fathers things, crossed the road without looking, and then proceeded to walk briskly up the dimly lit street, whilst Angela's new mouth gently flapped about in the breeze like a loose piece of papery skin waiting to escape it's new owners face .


Written by Tommy Dandruff

Image by Arnie Canoe

Mungo and the Hare

Mungo and the Hare

This drawing is about trying to tame the untameable beast.

Mungo is impervious to any commands given to him by his handler the Hare.

No matter what is asked of Mungo, no matter what command or instruction is given, the fact remains that all Mungo wants to do is kill.

He like so many of mankind's inherently evil inhabitants only have the desire for destruction, carnage, and the killing of all living things.

How do you keep a leash on an evil state of mind without becoming the aggressors equal?


By Charlie Cornflake

How the stars relax part 13: Barry Manilow

It could be you next Mr Squirrel

Barry Manilow, Rubber faced human Anteater, and inventor of the arse candle, likes to relax by sacrificing small woodland animals in his purpose built wicker man.


By Roland Barnacle



Ideal or not ideal Part 1: Robert Mugabe

I am a Master Baker

Here we have another new game you can take part in from the comfort of your armchair, or if you are unlucky enough from the comfort of your prison cell.

The game is called 'Ideal or not ideal' and requires you to decide weather or not a task, job, or career given to a randomly selected celebrity is 'Ideal' or 'Not ideal' for that specifically chosen person.

This month we see the vile, sweating face of 'Robert Mugabe' as the chosen participant in this first edition of 'ideal or not ideal'.

So for all of you out there here is the job for 'Robert Mugabe' to work in which you must then decide as to weather or not it is 'Ideal' or 'Not ideal' for him.

Are you ready?

'Ideal or not ideal', 'Robert Mugabe' is to be the new Home Economics Teacher at West Runton Secondary School for Girls: 'Ideal or not Ideal'?

Visit INK Ltd's website at www.instantnowhere.com to find out more about 'Ideal or not ideal', along with all other Instant Nowhere Kulture works.


By Roland Barnacle

Hollywood dilemma's Part 1: Kate Winslet



I do love Jammie Dodgers

Here we have a huge dilemma for our Hollywood actress 'Kate Winslet'.

The dilemma is for 'Kate' to try and break out of her catatonic state to listen to the voice in her head telling her to 'Take the biscuit'.

The biscuit is a Jammie Dodger biscuit and one of 'Kates' favourite types of biscuit that is laying un-accounted for like a lonely sparrow with no wings or beak, on the table of 'Kates' favourite place to eat 'Dirty Dave's Diner'.

Will 'Kate' give in to temptation and 'Take The biscuit', or will her catatonic state leave 'Kate' in a self induced Jammie Dodger mess?


By Arnie Canoe

Can't start the day without one

Collage 5

What can't you start the day without?

For some people it's cigarettes. For others it's a cup of tea.

There are many different things we cannot start the day without having.

For some of us breaking the habit and going without is an impossibility.

So what CAN'T you start the day without?


By Arnie Canoe

You'll catch your death..

Fisherman crushed by giant shoe

The above image is a rather surreal collage that I created after seeing the deep sea fisherman laying on the catch of fish in a magazine that I had at home.

In the picture it was almost as if a huge weight had flattened the fisherman even though there was nothing to be seen. I decided to cut out and use a giant shoe as I felt it looked more surreal than other ideas I had considered using for the picture.

By Arnie Canoe

How the stars relax Part 11: Jennifer Aniston

I like teasing mice

Jennifer Aniston, Club footed teaser of mice, and world champion leap frogger, likes to relax by allowing burly men to roller skate over her scrawny neck.

By Roland Barnacle

Image from 'Twat' magazine: Issue 1

Tree stump with Bafta

This picture is of  'Colin Firth' after winning a Bafta for his portrayal of the stammering hereditary inbred King George the VI.

The picture is also part of the magazine titled 'Twat', of which this picture is from the first edition and in this instance for free.

In the photo it is quite clear to see how handsome 'Mr Firth' is compared to..let's say 'Les Dennis' or 'Dale Winton', or somebody else equally as handsome or talented.

What is also clear from this photo above all else is that 'Colin Firth' along with fellow actors 'Hugh Grant', and 'Richard E Grant', are all as wooden as each other leaving not only a trail of Bafta's and discarded clothes behind them, but a trail of wooden splinters from their appalling inability to be able to convey any real sense of emotion or acting ability other than that of a stationary tree stump.

                                                                                                            By Arnie Canoe

Excerpt from 'Twat' magazine

Baron Frankenstein School of Surgery

The above image is from 'Twat' magazine and is the main image for a section titled 'I'm a Walking Labia', a section that takes a look at the ludicrous 'Trout pouts' that women end up with after having lip enhancements. Also within this section of the magazine is a game called 'Who's Labia is this'? which is loosely based on the board game 'Guess Who', and involves readers having to guess who the celebrity is when only the labia is showing.

How any women can think that they look in any way, shape, or form attractive when they resemble nothing more than a 'Walking Labia' is beyond me. This body dismorphic mindset is almost being ingrained as being the natural look for a women, when it is quite clear to anybody with a brain cell that the look is far from natural and is positively grotesque.

Why the need to turn yourself into a monstrosity when a vast majority of the women who have this type of body enhancement must already be the walking dead anyway is quite ridiculous.

Hollywood amongst others have pushed this 'Baron Frankenstein' style of reconstruction in an attempt to make the vacant cabbages out there feel that by changing themselves in this manner, somehow makes them more desirable, and somehow more able to fit in with a preconceived image of beauty, one that has actually never been stated in the first place.

Who decides what is beautiful and what is not?

You or someone else TELLING you what is beautiful and what is not.

Make up your own minds, but until then be on the look out for a few free excerpts from 'Twat' magazine and it's sister publications 'Jap's eye', and also 'Tosspot' on topics like this and many more.

                                                                                                          By Roland Barnacle

Luxury is?

Collage 3

This collage splits the world of luxury into pieces for the pointless, superficial indulgence that it is.

Cemented amongst the fragments of luxury, expense, and name brands are images that show how luxurious lifestyles seem to sit comfortably amongst the poverty of the world without even batting an eye lid.

It is almost as if the super indulgent, self obsessed, Capitalist ideals have rendered the whole world blind to the actual existence of poverty itself.

Capitalism has created a self-centred monster, unable to see the true horror of it's obscene nature and greed filled ways.

                                                                                                              By Heston Quiff

The World is too corrupt to end poverty

This image was created as a  poke at the way we are constantly bombarded everyday with imagery specifically designed to distract your mind from the truly important aspects of life.

The slogan 'The World is too corrupt to end poverty' really means 'The Mind is too corruptable to end poverty', because our minds are far too easily distracted by the materialistic and superficial aspects of life, rendering our minds insullar, introverted, self-centered and blind to the true nature of reality, thus distracting us from mankinds true potential towards all of our Brothers and Sisters.

                                                                                                          By Arnie Canoe 

Image from 'Twat' magazine: Issue 2



Nothing to see here

This image is from issue 2 of the magazine 'Twat' and is put together by the artists at INK House Studios, which is a part of 'Instant Nowhere Korporation Ltd'.

The picture is reflecting the restrictions felt by many people of oppresive, fascist, and dictatorial regimes that silence people to such an extent that even when the restrictions are staring at you blue in the face, people still walk past and fail to take notice through either fear, or ignorance.

                                                                                                               By Arnie Canoe