How the stars relax Part 12: Paris Hilton

I'm a piece of string

Paris Hilton, Pin thin spindle necked skeleton, and the humanoid version of a walking concentration camp, likes to relax by laying on the floor very still pretending to be a piece of string.

By Roland Barnacle

Excerpt from 'Twat' magazine

Baron Frankenstein School of Surgery

The above image is from 'Twat' magazine and is the main image for a section titled 'I'm a Walking Labia', a section that takes a look at the ludicrous 'Trout pouts' that women end up with after having lip enhancements. Also within this section of the magazine is a game called 'Who's Labia is this'? which is loosely based on the board game 'Guess Who', and involves readers having to guess who the celebrity is when only the labia is showing.

How any women can think that they look in any way, shape, or form attractive when they resemble nothing more than a 'Walking Labia' is beyond me. This body dismorphic mindset is almost being ingrained as being the natural look for a women, when it is quite clear to anybody with a brain cell that the look is far from natural and is positively grotesque.

Why the need to turn yourself into a monstrosity when a vast majority of the women who have this type of body enhancement must already be the walking dead anyway is quite ridiculous.

Hollywood amongst others have pushed this 'Baron Frankenstein' style of reconstruction in an attempt to make the vacant cabbages out there feel that by changing themselves in this manner, somehow makes them more desirable, and somehow more able to fit in with a preconceived image of beauty, one that has actually never been stated in the first place.

Who decides what is beautiful and what is not?

You or someone else TELLING you what is beautiful and what is not.

Make up your own minds, but until then be on the look out for a few free excerpts from 'Twat' magazine and it's sister publications 'Jap's eye', and also 'Tosspot' on topics like this and many more.

                                                                                                          By Roland Barnacle

Reptilian Diary: Week 1

A week in the life of the hierarchial reptoids

Here we have an example of how the upper echelons of the hierarchial Royal bloodlines spend their time during the week at exclusive reptilian social gatherings. 

While many of us are knee deep in work related matters, some of which are high risk, some of which protect, save, and secure lives while at the same time trying to earn an honest crust for themselves and their families, the hierarchial Royal bloodlines slither about like a sinister gathering of social inbreds at functions that will never, can never, and are only ever designed to benefit them.


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Baron Frankenstein school of plastic surgery

My face is like a frozen turd

Here we have a great example of how plastic surgery really can a person look far more grotesque, and hideous than before the surgery.

'Anne Robinson', the human version of a Ginger nut Biscuit has all the looks and characteristics here of somebody who has had the great misfortune of having a stroke. Her lopsided mouth, and face with perpendicular aspect makes for horror story viewing, as opposed to the intended response of how youthful, and positively stunning she looks.

Are we really to believe, or more to the point, are the so called 'Celebrities' honestly believing that this Baron Frankenstein styled form of plastic surgery to their faces, and bodies are by any stretch of the imagination making them look young, sexy, vibrant, or in any way close to claiming back the idyllic looks they once had when they were in their teens.

Lets face it, 'Hollywood' is the creator of illusions, and the destroyer of souls. Furthermore to be a part of this clique you have to retain a kind of 'Peter Pan Complex' that draws you more, and more into a world of pure illuminated fakedom.

                                                                                                                  By Arnie Canoe