Celebrity Binman Part 2: Carole Malone

I'm Zelda from the Terrahawks

Here we have part two of the game "Celebrity Binman", a game which you can play from the comfort of your very own Charles Dickens armchair, or massively out of shape Thomas the Tank Engine bean bag. To play you must be a subscriber to our website, this way you will be able to cast a vote from the list of potential victims..er I mean participants.

Part one saw the silver haired squeak "Philip Schofield" chosen to endure a week of gruelling twelve hour shifts at the mercy of not only the binmen themselves, but the grime of the nation. By the end of the week "Mr Schofield" was as limp as a Vicars handbag, and babbling incoherently like a backwater simpleton. All in all a resounding success I think you will agree.

For part two of "Celebrity Binman" we see that the good ole subscribers have chosen that foul minded old crone "Carole Malone" to participate in "Celebrity Binman". Looking like "Zelda" from eighties sci-fi puppet drama "Terrahawks", and with all the personal appeal of a flea ridden, urine stinking cat that has just decided to throw up a football sized hairball encrusted with stomach bile, mice skulls, and half digested cat food, "Carole Malone" is clearly a worthy choice for this role. And with no resounding talent in any way, shape or form, no better choice could have been made for this months game.

The location for "Carole Malone" to spend a week of gruelling twelve hour shifts as a "Celebrity Binman" is deep in the heart of the East end of London amidst a backdrop of dark cockney drum and bass, Jack the Ripper style Masonic slashings, drugged up alleyway bum bashings, and sky vomit wipeouts. The binmen will take the horrible old bastard "Carole Malone", who incidentally used to be "Peter Cushings" stunt double for a short time, around some of the most disgusting areas they can find in an attempt to get "Zelda" closer to her natural self.

No attempt will be made at any time to pander to the whingeing, crying, pleading for mercy or multiple breakdowns that may ensue as the week goes on for this months "Celebrity Binman" choice "Carole Malone".

And so there we have it. This months choice to spend a week as a "Celebrity Binman" is that hideous, repugnant old cretin "Carole Malone". Stay tuned to find out the outcome of this game next time on "Celebrity Binman".


For more savage celebrity satire, odd one out, political humour, only a handful of people exist, how the stars relax, walking corporate billboards, the may faces of Victoria Beckham, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe your thighs to an Instant Nowhere Kulture.



Written by Roland Barnacle