The Adventures Of Pincer Boy

On a daily basis
Come rain
Or shine
Neil would sneak off
Like an incompetent ninja
Into his purpose built
Bat cave style lair
Which was in fact
A disused
Anderson shelter
full of cobwebs
Crusty paint brushes
And old pots
Of hardened paint
And not in the slightest bit
Purpose built
So he could put on
Whilst listening to
The theme from 'The Professionals' 
Which would be blaring out
And at least
An octave lower
Than the original theme
Due to failing batteries
And internal corrosion
From an old ghetto blaster
with single tape deck function
His 'Mask of Fear'
That was actually
A brown paper bag
With the eyes and mouth
Crudely cut out
And 'Pincer Boy' gloves
That had been made
Using an old pair
Of 'Power Rangers' socks
Enabling Neil
To be ready
For another round
Of scaring the shit
Out of his neighbours
And any
Unsuspecting
Passers by
With his alter ego
'Pincer Boy'
The boy
With Pincers
For hands
And his fearsome
Mask
Of fear


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Drawing by Charlie Cornflake

Written by Tommy Dandruff