NEWS JUST IN
Reports are coming in from unreliable, and fabricated intelligence sources of a new style of clothing bomber to appear from out of the ranks of the CIA and MI6 double agent factories.
'News just in' can confirm that this new style of terrorist is known as the 'Bobble Hat Bomber', and sources deep inside the occult and secret society ridden intelligence services, have said that this could potentially be more deadly than the exploding plastic tricycle terrorists that were almost caught hurtling towards Downing street like over sized children, wearing balaclavas, and brandishing supersoaker water pistols that had been filled with petrol after the last manufactured 'fuel panic buy' fiasco.
Luckily as we all know the 'Plastic Tricycle Bombers' were foiled when two pensioners who were travelling at an incredible speed near by after watching the 'Jeremy Kyle Show' through a shop window, crashed into the terrorists knocking them off their explosive cargo, and back into their handlers cars that were ever so conveniently waiting near by just in case of a fuck up caused by annoying members of the public.
Unfortunately 'News just in' can confirm that this new style of bomber, 'The Bobble Hat Bomber' is a far more difficult terrorist to deal with.
Intelligence sources have told us that the bobble hat is made from a mix of Lycra, spandex weave, elastic bands, and old wool from charity shops enabling this complex bobble hat to be able to stretch, and expand to over 100 times it's original size making the wearer look like they either have elephantitis of the head, or that they are trying to hide an enormous explosive device under their gigantic bobble hat. Either way the lack of attention that this draws to the wearer is as you can imagine quite frightening to behold.
'News just in' can also confirm that the 'Bobble Hat Bomber' has been trained to use an elaborate array of disguises to avoid detection, and has even been known to dress like a Venezuelan juggler, a tweed wearing lady boy with shiny wrist jangles, and also a MK Ultra mind blank double agent with fixed grin.
When 'News just in' tried to confirm with the sinister orchestrator's of fake terrorism the 'Intelligence Services', about the existence of the 'Bobble Hat Bomber' we received a gift token for £10 to spend at Argos, and were politely asked to go away as some of the staff had headaches, as they had been taking part in Masonic ceremonies and blood rituals the previous night at a disused Tupperware factory nearby.
Whatever the manufactured nonsense we are told about exploding plastic tricycles, dog bombs, air to ground sock missiles, or bobble hat wearing bombers, one thing is for certain, and that is the real truth out there does not come from the soppy gobs of the mainstream media, or the soul sucking secret societies, or indeed the anal politicians drunk on fake illuminated power...the real truth comes from the pages of 'News just in'.
NEWS JUST OUT
Report by Colin Murr
Artists impression of the 'Bobble Hat Bomber' by Johnny Phlegm
For more 'News just in', and other ludicrous stories, collage artwork, abstract paintings, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and immerse yourself into an Instant Nowhere Alternative Universe.
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