May's Monthly Piece Of Shit: Foreign Secretary William Hague

I'm a gurning testicle

Here we have the May edition, as chosen by our collaborators at INK House Studio's, of our section titled 'Monthly piece of shit'.

For the month of May the verdict was unanimous.

'William Jefferson Hague' was the clear winner.


Of all the insipid, vile, loathsome, warmongering, bloodthirsty, evil, and shiny bonced little illuminated turds to roll from the masonic gutter of life, William Hague is clearly the leader of them all.

Born from the chance meeting of two borderline simpletons at an imaginary local village barn dance deep in the heart of 'Cuntsville', and looking like a cross between 'Homepride Fred' without his Bowler Hat on, and Lord Longfords recently exhumed corpse, William Hague has all the undead looks to see him through an outstandingly normal career in politics.

Even from an early age it was clear that this sickly little 'Tory Boy' was destined to crawl around the floors of Whitehall, like a pathetic worm desperate to undermine, devalue, preach fake morality, and patronise from up high on his lame rocking horse, the working class backbone of this Country, like some kind of pure of spirit, balding despot messiah.

To have the nerve to preach morality, and good ole family values, to the decent and honest members of the great British public, when behind closed doors this sinister shit pond spews double standards by not only deciding that the best way to prove that his views on good ole family values are heart felt and honest, is to advocate the carpet bombing of innocent civilians in Libya, so that they can be liberated from a illuminated placeman who was allowed to cruelly dictate over them for over thirty years before reaching his sell by date, but to also become embroiled in a situation with a work colleague that implies potentially that the 'family values' preached by this gurning testicle, are yet more examples of monstrous hypocrisy and filthy lies that make the mind boggle.

As if preaching double standards and being a cretinous little hypocrite wasn't enough to get under the skins of the great British public, this monumental mind blank puppet placeman, amidst a manufactured recession designed to not only create an even bigger divide between the working class and the higher echelons of the aristocratic upper class, thus forcing us all even closer towards a global meltdown with a far more sinister long term agenda, decides to tell us all to 'Stop complaining', and to 'Work harder' to solve this manufactured issue which should not be happening in the first place.

I have a better idea William Jefferson Hague.

Firstly why don't you work a bit harder on your own personal morality issues for a start before preaching to others, as currently you are devoid of any moral values whatsoever.

Secondly why don't you work a bit harder at actually trying to become a normal human being, and one that has a natural ability to empathise with all living things, because at present your lack of empathy is appalling.

Thirdly get a wig weave like Wayne Rooney (this may enable you to not look so much like a testicle trying to squeeze out of a shirt collar).

And lastly if you don't have the spine to try any of the above due to your inherent arrogance, and clear hatred for humanity, you may as well just fuck off back to the inbred village you were first fired out from like the loose piece of buck toothed, bald headed, web footed, special brew intoxicated, cabbage patch doll jizzum that you are you parasitic arse bomb.


And so there we have our 'Monthly piece of shit' for May 'Mr William Jefferson Hague' as chosen by our collaborators at INK House Studios.


For more monthly piece of shit, how the stars relax, only a handful of people exist, savage celebrity satire, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe yourself to an Instant Nowhere Alternative Universe.



Written by Roland Barnacle