It's Like Happiness In A Can

Amongst the Disneyland distractions
Of giant mice
Spluttering ducks
And mind controlled
Puppets

Amongst the sordid hotels
With naked females
Leather whips
And lines of powdered
Ecstasy

Amongst the pepper bombed towns
With twisted shrapnel
spent shells
And children carrying
Loaded guns

Lives a hidden demon
Feeding from us
Each
And everyday
Living off our souls
And pushing us
Into the darkest
Of hidden
Corners
In the hope
We will never find
Happiness
In a can


For more surreal writing, prose, poetry, collage, abstract artwork, music by The Harridans, and other assorted lunacies visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kultural Universe.


Written by Spartacus Mole

Collage by Heston Quiff

Hooray For Hollywood Waffle: T-Shirt Design

Here we have another T-shirt design from the bowels of INK House Studios.

The design itself is in the shape of a T-shirt, albeit a rather stretched, and anatomically deformed one, and consists of an image of one of Hollywood's most ridiculous characters 'Rambo'.

Played by one of the worlds most appalling actors 'Sylvester Stallone', Rambo is easily a great example of why Hollywood really is the producer of the most vacuous garbage on earth.

As you can see in the image Rambo's eyes are not his own, and the slogan above his thick skull is a piss take aimed at the applauding masses who view films like Rambo as 'Entertainment' even though it is amidst the carnage of Vietnam, and all the horrors surrounding what was yet again another great example of a manufactured drug war.


For more T-shirt designs, collage artwork, abstract paintings, cut-up writing, surreal short stories, and more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Universe.


T-shirt design by Heston Quiff

Poster For 'Up Rush' Music Improvisation Event

Here we have a poster for 'Up Rush' an improvised music event to be held at INK House Studios every month.

The event is to allow musicians total freedom of expression without any creative restrictions on form, style, or genre.

This event is also not about ability, technical proficiency on a chosen instrument, or musical preference. The event is purely about listening, and playing what you feel, as opposed to what you know.

A date for the first 'Up Rush' event, including all other details will be posted on our website, facebook page, and all social media outlets nearer the time to allow for bookings which will be treated on a first come first served basis due to limited numbers.

For more information on this event, our artwork, magazines, comic strips, celebrity satire, and more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Universe.


Poster artwork by Heston Quiff

Cedric's Colouring Nightmare

After a torrid time
Being rather violently
And extremely vigorously
Coloured in
By frenzied
Obese child
Using felt tip pens
And pencils
Cedric turned pale
Completely ignored
The man
With stitched up mouth
Who had also
Suffered
At the hands
Of the obese child
Gurgled slightly
Dribbled
A small trail
Of saliva
From the
Corner
Of his flaccid
Gob
Staggered about
Like a drunken clown
And attempted
As his eyes rotated
In his pasty head
To ask for
The directions
To the nearest
Public
Urinal


For more random weirdness, comic strips, surreal satire, abstract paintings, and magazines visit www.instantnowhere.com and immerse yourself into an Instant Nowhere Kulture.


Drawing by Charlie Cornflake

Written by Tommy Dandruff

Pitch Noises And Watching

Here we have a collage containing two of the most vile creatures ever to slide across the earth: The Clinton's.

The mix of a PVC clad woman, coupled with two Satan worshipping scum posing as good, clean, and wholesome Christians with blood oozing from their eyes, is to highlight the seedy underpinnings behind the fake front portrayed by this foul couple of illuminated mass murderers, and globalist puppets.

When mindless, war mongering reptoids, like the Clinton's are portrayed as this clean cut image of devout religious content, with a love of peace, and desire to help humanity, it really becomes clear quite quickly that the globalist P.R. machine serving this bile up really is in need of a total overhaul by means of a very, very, large hammer.


For more abstract artwork, collage images, music by The Harridans, magazines, and savage celebrity satire, visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kulture.


Collage by Heston Quiff

Written by Roland Barnacle

Demon With Pugwash Chest

The Demon
With Pugwash chest
Appeared in an instant 
From out of
The upside down text
Which was really 
A doorway
To another dimension
An alternate reality
Where demons
And bizarre entities
Spend all their time
With their feet up
Watching
Laughing
And soaking up
A never ending stream
Of children's programmes
From days
Gone bye


For more surreal writings, abstract imagery, collage, comic strips, and other assorted lunacies visit www.instantnowhere.com and dive into an Instant Nowhere Universe.


Written by Tommy Dandruff

Collage by Heston Quiff

Heston Quiff's first class photo

Here we have Heston Quiff's first class photo.

Unfortunately a rather clumsy cow that was being looked after at the school called 'Colonel Trombone' has wandered through just at the wrong moment, slipped, and obscured poor Heston from the photo.

The school in question is Whitton Green Primary, and the year is 1977 or there abouts.

Oh! my eyes are now watering..must be an eyelash..or dust...or some kind of brain malfunction!

The innocence of youth.

Memories.

If some what obscured by a clumsy cow!


Posted by Heston Quiff

The Special Brew Mix Up

On a daily basis
Brian Marigold Clog Esq
The mixed up
Dickensian fop
With urinating
Genetically modified
Pet thing
Would confuse
Every greeting
Conversation
Gesture
Or foul mouthed
Obscenity
As purely
Being aimed
At him
This would
Very often
Result in Brian
Being man handled
Rather roughly
Like a dirty dish cloth
Or a cage fighting Priest
And
On occasions
Would result
In Brian
Being unceremoniously
Tarred and feathered
On lonely housing estates
Chased by hordes
Of flame carrying
Numb nuts
These unfortunate
Incidents
Happen
Purely because
In Brian's world
There existed
Only one
Person
And that person
Was Brian
Marigold
Clog
Esq
Nothing
And nobody else
Existed



For more drawings, comic strips, collage artwork, and abstract paintings visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kultural Universe.


Drawing by Charlie Cornflake

Written by Tommy Dandruff

How the stars relax part 18: Sir Paul McCartney

I'm a Swiss cheese arse bender



Sir Paul McCartney, Swiss cheese arse bender, and false leg ventriloquist, likes to relax by covering himself in seaweed, and terrorising small children pretending to be a sea monster.


For more ridiculous stories, savage celebrity satire, abstract artwork, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kulture.


Written by Roland Barnacle

The fabric of our own existence

As we wander aimlessly
In a self obsessed
Mind trance
Paying more attention
To the state
Of our hair
And the condition of our skin
Than to the suffering
Of our brothers
And sisters
We slowly widen the gaps
Between the fabric
Of our own existence
Drawing us ever closer
To the brink
Of an infinite
Reality
Of self induced
Nightmares


For more poetry, prose, cut-up writings, collage artwork, and more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Universe.


Collage by Arnie Canoe

Written by Spartacus Mole

My Big Sister



The above collage is again constructed using many pieces of the same image in an attempt to create the illusion of looking at multiple reflections of one image, but through fragments of broken glass.

This kaleidoscopic effect is quite psychedelic in a way, and although there are many sections to look at within the collage, I have tried to ensure that the main image to be seen, the focal point of the collage, is as central as possible.

I love the warm burnt orange and subtle yellow colours contained within this piece, and these fit nicely with the person this collage is about, and that person is my 'Big Sister'.


To view more collage artwork, abstract paintings, comic strips, and other creative outputs go to www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Universe.


Collage by Heston Quiff

The many faces of Victoria Beckham: Part 4

Tartan Misery

Here we have another long awaited instalment of 'The many faces of Victoria Beckham'.

With a jaw line similar to that of an anorexic shovel frequently used by burly men to dig huge footings for colossal houses, and a vacuous pout similar to that of a recently butchered halibut, Victoria's incredible array of modelling poses are a serious force to be reckoned with by any of today's standards.

Tartan Misery is one of Victoria's favourite looks, and you will very often find her sporting this look when doing photo shoots for numb brained magazines full of celebrity hierarchical bloodlines, and fashion shoots at local council recycling centres.


For more dissections of celebrity squit, and other ludicrous nonsense visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe your mind plank to an Instant Nowhere Kulture.


Written by Roland Barnacle

Missing Favourite Sofa Poster

This poster is a plea to anybody who may be able to help in my attempt to find our favourite sofa which has been missing for well over a week now.

Our sofa was last seen in our living room at home, and was happily being lounged on by our cat called 'Branflake', and our Dachshund 'Officer Dibbles'.

Myself and my family are unsure of what happened next as we were busy playing 'Hide the bucket' in our back garden with our neighbours Mr and Mrs Chin, but on our return to our living room, ready to watch a repeat of 'The Crystal Maze' on challenge TV, we noticed our favourite (only) sofa was nowhere to be seen.

For days we searched our estate, whistling and calling out our sofa's name (which incidentally is Derek) in the hope he may appear from around a corner, or out from under a bridge somewhere..but alas he did not.

An eyewitness has come forward and said that he noticed a sofa matching the same description getting into the back of a removal truck, but as yet no removal company has come forward to confirm this sighting, and the eyewitness is now back on curfew making it difficult to follow up.

Both myself, and my family have spoken to the police on a number of occasions about our missing sofa Derek, but unfortunately we are reluctant to speak with them again as the pepper spray really does play havoc with my sinuses, and our boy 'Jub' is already on his last warning for breaking into an ice cream van last summer.

So if there is anybody out there who knows anything, or knows anybody who may be able to help us if you could please contact 'Crimestoppers', or alternatively you can contact us directly on the details below.

Many thanks:

Mr and Mrs Slazenger De Void
18 Lower Fridge Lane
The Combine Harvester Estate
East of Dudley ring road
First left past the burning tyres
Ignore the Wicker man
Straight ahead
That's it right next to the grain silo


For more surreal short stories, savage celebrity satire, music by the Harridans, and bizarre comic strips visit www.instantnowhere.com and submerge yourself into an Instant Nowhere Kulture.


Collage poster by Arnie Canoe

Written by Roland Barnacle

Slipping through the rips in space

"What is this place"?

As Harry the Harridan
Wandered bleary eyed
And lifeless
Like an automaton
Without a mind
Of it's own
He stumbled
Purely by accident
Through the tiniest
Of rips
In the fabric
Of space time itself
A world of pure
Random
Abstract
Beauty
A world
Without form
Without reason
Without rules
And a world
Held together
By a thread
Of infinite
Expression


For more short stories, prose, poetry, cut-up writing, and surreal satire visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kulture.


Written by Tommy Dandruff

Collage by Heston Quiff

The Invisible Curtsy

My mind is a waxwork dream

As Jeremy sat motionless
In his favourite
Navy blue
Armchair
Like a man blob
Wearing yellow
PVC
Raincoat
He reminisced
About intimate moments
With past loves
In joyous deserts
And tranquil forests
Listening to the running nectar
And the whistling breeze
But
As Jeremy's mind wandered
Like chubby toddler
In first time wobble
Biped excursion
He realised
that the recently swallowed
Psychedelic presents
That he had been kindly given
By an invisible curtsy
Were now starting
To kick in


To read more surreal short stories, bizarre cut-up writings, and savage satire visit www.instantnowhere.com and immerse yourself into an Instant Nowhere Universe.


Collage by Heston Quiff

Written by Tommy Dandruff

Good and Plenty



My secret sweet indulgence

This collage is based around one single image, and that is the image of the woman ready to eat 'Good & Plenty' candies. 

I have used fragments of ripped images, along with clean cut images to give the piece a jagged feel in an attempt to surround the woman's face as if she is peering out from a broken window that is reflecting many other images back.

It's as if the woman is hiding away, secretly scoffing her favourite sweets in the peace and quiet of an unknown hideaway where she can indulge her sweet tooth.


For more kaleidoscopic collage, abstract artwork, magazines, comic strips, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kaleidoscopic Universe.


Collage by Heston Quiff

Gummo Bunny Boy

Here we have an image from one of my favourite films Gummo.

The look on the Bunny boys face could easily speak a thousand words, but I have decided on the chosen slogan simply because it is the one that seemed to fit best with his 'What are you looking at' facial expression.

For more collage artwork, surreal short stories, savage satire, and abstract paintings go to www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kultural Universe.


Collage by Arnie Canoe

We are all prisoners

Fight the power

Here we have a T-shirt design that perfectly describes visually the upside down system that more and more people are starting to kick against, as they slowly wake up to the hypocrisy, lies, bullshit, and fake global system we exist within everyday. 


For more T-shirt designs, comic strips, magazines, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Universe.


Collage artwork by Arnie Canoe

Colin and the time travelling soup aisle

What happened to the cup-a-soups?

Well it was all very strange really
One minute Colin was minding his own business
Casually wandering
Like a half baked man spam
Down the soup aisle
At his local supermarket
Carefully deciding
What flavour cup-a-soup to buy
When in a flash
Colin was standing amidst a battle scene
Gazing eye to eye
With a rather fearsome
And ever so slightly
Thuggish looking
Axe wielding
Russell Crowe
Who was galloping furiously towards him
Dressed in tights
And leather tunic
And atop a pure white horse
It seemed that Colin
Had somehow
Whilst wandering the soup aisle
At his local supermarket
Slipped through a rip
In the fabric of time space itself
And into a battle scene
From the eye wateringly shit
And arse clenchingly embarrassing
Remake
Of Robin Hood
However
Only one thought now remained
In Colin's tiny mind
And that was if Russell Crowe
Angry and with a beard
Had any idea
How the bloody fucking hell
Colin could find his way back
To the soup aisle


For more surreal stories of squit, cut-up writings, and ludicrous satire visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Alternative Kulture.


Image by Arnie Canoe

Written by Tommy Dandruff

Invisible Barriers Of Catatonia

Are we blind to what's around us?

This black and white collage was constructed to symbolise the invisible divisions that separate each and every one of us as we go about our everyday lives.

Barriers stopping us from seeing the true extent of mankind's flaws allow us all to easily to drift into a catatonic state where we are almost oblivious to the turmoil, bloodshed, and destruction all around us.

Turning a blind eye to the suffering is in a way no different to inflicting the suffering, but being oblivious to the suffering because of the coma like state many of us exist in is another matter altogether.

I have chosen black and white imagery simply because colour can at times be one of the main reasons for divisions in life. Without colour life can immediately take on a whole new complexion, and in some ways become far more straight forward to a life with colour.


For more collage artwork, abstract paintings, comic strips, music, magazines,and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Universe.



Collage artwork by Arnie Canoe



  

The Harridans CD inlay: Down on the Farm

The concrete treadmill

Here we have another CD inlay for experimental post-punk band The Harridans

The tracks on this album all deal with the controlled existence we are all subjected to on a daily basis.

All of the songs on this album involve aspects of the control system and the evilarchy behind it. The songs also form part of a larger set of song material, however this mini album is just a small portion of this, and a partial glimpse at the much bigger picture.

The songs contained on this album are:


1) The Parasite Club

2) Public Automaton

3) The Grim face of the grey corporation

4) Send me retirement

5) The slow deflation of greed


For more information on The Harridans music, artwork, lyrics, and more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe your ears to an Instant Nowhere Kultural Frequency.


Artwork by Arnie Canoe

All music by The Harridans


 

The Harridan waffle irons: Part 2

Inane mutterings and chatterings

As Vodka Vera
Waffled on feverishly
Like an out of control train
Driven by a drunken monkey
About poor ole Betty Turbans
Exploding varicose veins
Gladys Brush started to sway
Almost intoxicated
By Vodka Vera's 90% proof
Breath of a thousand
Dead animals
Desperately
Gladys tried to compose herself
Nodding inanely
Eyes staring vacant
Like a cabbage patch doll
Gladys managed
To fire off
A quick succession of replies
Even though
She wasn't paying
The slightest bit of attention
To a single word
Vodka Vera
Was gibbering on about
Which was probably
Due to the fact
That poor ole Gladys
Was quite literally
Pissed
As a fart



For more comic strips, abstract artwork, T-shirt designs, surreal collage, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kultural Universe.


Drawing by Charlie Cornflake

Written By Tommy Dandruff

The Harridans: Songs to tap your feet to

Has the song started yet?

Here is a CD inlay for a two track album by experimental post-punk band The Harridans.

The two tracks contained on this album are:

1) Music for sheep

2) Murder to the beat

Track one is a deeply hypnotic, brain spank of a track, and revolves around one very simplistic rhythmic time signature that recycles itself over the course of the song with subtle embellishments that add colour and dynamics to the mix of linear guitar lines, and dark repetitious vocals.

Track two has an improvised drum and guitar intro that builds into an odd time tribal drum pattern which live can last for up to 30 minutes, before descending into the main theme of the song which is pinned into submission by a heavy, foreboding guitar part fit for the nearest disco abattoir. The song then turns back on itself and once again the tribal drum pattern is back, before an improvised outro leads the listener down yet another slippery garden path.


For more information on The Harridans music, assorted artwork for the band including posters, CD inlays, T-shirt designs, and song lyrics please visit www.instantowhere.com  



Artwork by Heston Quiff

Music by The Harridans

Doing The Rotten Rounds

"Don't worry about the natives"

The destruction of all that is wonderful
For a ghastly barrel
Of black gold
Carpet bomb yourself a new personality
Napalm victory into your palms sweaty and wet
And watch
As acrid
Dense
Scorching cordite clouds
Drift over charred bodies
With no movement
And no signs
Of weeping
Gathering up your commodities
Like a fat gluttonous child
You spit dummies onto roaring fires
Engulfing a recently flattened village
Filled to the brim
With the jewels of the earth
And as the blood red sun
Is obscured
By serpents
Spewing the clouds of your cruelty
The wagon of greed
Slowly starts to trundle away
Followed closely
By soulless
Agents of doom
Wandering like sheep
With no shepherd to be seen
Yet enjoying bloodlust cravings
In cold
Dark
Tortured
Internal
Lament



For more prose, poetry, and other writings visit www.instantnowhere.com and immerse yourself in an Instant Nowhere Universe.


Written by Spartacus Mole

Collage by Heston Quiff

Cut-up fragment from 'George and Mildred in space'



The dissections of a cut-up universe

The above piece of cut-up writing was constructed on an old New York typewriter some years ago now, and is a tiny fragment of a much larger piece of work. The larger piece is a rather surreal journey through space, but through the eyes of ageing comedy stars from the seventies 'George and Mildred'. On this journey they encounter a race of giant flip flops, killer space kittens, astro dust smugglers, and massive imploding spaceships made of atomic jelly. The smaller fragment that has been taken from this has been cut-up and used for the above piece.

As for the image this is actually quite a recent addition to the piece, and was yet again provided by Arnie Canoe.

I have produced an enormous amount of cut-up work using my New York typewriter, and these along with all of my cut-up songs, prose, poetry, and other writings can be seen by subscribing to Instant Nowhere Korporations website at www.instantnowhere.com



Cut-up writing by Spartacus Mole

Image by Arnie Canoe

Royal Mutations: Part 2

A right Royal satanic mix up

Here we have another example of the Royal satanic hierarchy as they are caught shifting from one form to another.

This time Prince of Puddings Charles, and his favourite horse Camilla can be clearly seen with their heads being replaced by a rather long skewered sausage, and a tan coloured cowboy boot.

It is inevitable that from time to time this kind of mutated mix up will be captured by the lens of a skulking in the shadows paparazzi. However it is deeply unfortunate that this type of situation happens on social engagements such as this one where the embarrassment is a bit like answering the door to the Avon lady only to realise that you have forgotten to get out of the Sinbad outfit you wore from the previous nights bedroom swashbuckling extravaganza.

As the Diamond Jubilee draws ever closer like a stagnant egg bound fart, it is clear that more Royal Mutations are likely to (they will) be seen like the hideous monstrosity above.


For more Royal Mutations, Music, magazines, comic strips, and savage satire visit www.instantnowhere.com and immerse yourself into an Instant Nowhere Universe.



Written by Hector the Mute


Image by Arnie Canoe

Dance Merry Plankton: Part 1

Merry Plankton learns how to dance

Mr Red hand pointed his fake plastic gun
Directly at Merry Plankton's heart
His pointed teeth clenched tightly
As he told Merry Plankton to dance for his life
Merry Plankton jumped into the air
In a rather ungainly fashion 
And clicked his pin thin heels together
Suddenly
As the sound waves reached the ground
From Merry Plankton's heel click
Soaking quickly into the solid concrete
To a sub atomic level
The floor underneath him started to move
Shimmering like weeping stars as it did
Ripples slowly started to appear
Then waves began rolling sideways
Like a huge concrete tsunami
And in no time at all
Merry Plankton was body surfing
To the tune of 'Surfing USA' by the Beach Boys
Blaring in his head
Down the road
At a ridiculous speed
Using Mr Red Hand
As a Bondi beach manufactured 
Half-human
Surf board


For more comic strips, magazines, abstract artwork, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kulture.


Written by Tommy Dandruff

Drawing by Charlie Cornflake

Modified Chaney's Slaughter Appendix

Cut-Up and Sausages

The above cut-up piece of writing is a combination of two separate pieces of work from the files of Roland Barnacles 'News Just In' body of work.

I have spliced the two pieces together in a way that is meant to reflect the angular way that Roland writes, and puts together his work.

'News Just In' is a ridiculous, surreal, and at times pointless collection of fake news reports,  put together and reported exactly as any real news report would do. The two pieces of Roland's work I have chosen are 'Lon Chaney's Gibbering Appendix', and 'Genetically Modified Slaughter'. Both are equally as ludicrous and therefore work really well together.

As for the choice of image to obscure the text ever so slightly, this was chosen by Arnie Canoe simply because he really likes sausages even more than a dog does.


For more cut-up writings, poetry, prose, surreal short stories, and much more go to www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kut-Up Universe.


Cut-up by Spartacus Mole

Written work supplied by Roland Barnacle

Image chosen by Arnie Canoe (had to put this otherwise he would have sulked)










 

Prince Charles first words

The pudding Heir to the throne

Here we have the wonderful moment when our pudding heir to the throne, after months of watching Andy Pandy and documentaries on the life cycle of twigs, utters his first joyous words to his father the Duke of darkness Prince Phillip.

A truly touching moment I think you will all agree.

For more Royal dissections, reptilian updates, reptilian diaries, and much more go to www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kulture.


Written by Hector the Mute

Image kindly donated by Arnie Canoe

The Harridan waffle irons: Part 1

Inane waffle and dribblings

As Valerie Snatch waffled
Like a smacked out rhino
All mouth foam and head bobble
Her neighbour Brenda Bunion
Shell shocked by the verbal barrage
Could only nod in agreement
And answer
Out of politeness
Even though
She hadn't the faintest clue
Or idea
Of what the fuck Valerie 
Was actually talking about



For more comic strips, magazines, abstract artwork, music, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to our Instant Nowhere Universe.



Written by Tommy Dandruff

Drawing by Charlie Cornflake

Savages in need of salvation

Who really needs saving?

Who are the savages in need of salvation...?

What we are indoctrinated to believe is a reality so false that everyday each and every one of us wakes up to participate in a staged show propped up by an underpinning of hideous lies of universal proportions.

The children in the image exist in their reality oblivious of other parallel existences running alongside their own. They are carefree and harming nobody.

Yet time and time again other more sinister individuals feel the need to control another persons existence, even though they have no right to, and this more often than not leads to bloodshed, misery, and even death.

So who are the savages in need of salvation...?


For more on the alternative Kultural output from the creative hub at INK House Studios visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to our alternative kultural universe.


Written by Roland Barnacle

Collage artwork by Heston Quiff

New NHS reforms poster

 

 

We care for your health

Here we have the new poster for the NHS after the newly proposed reforms have been implemented.

As you can see there will no longer be any need for a Hospital bed as an old chair, preferably recycled from a skip will be required. This will help to save cash, and this will also help to do our bit to combat Global warming which really does exist, and is not made up at all by the Globalists.

The recovery position is to be replaced by the 'Reclining' position and is quite simply the dumping of an individual into an armchair, settee, deckchair, or beanbag so they can recover in their own time. This will enable Hospital staff to get on with looking for another job as they won't be needed in the long term due to high patient mortality rates.

As you can see the reforms are for the greater good, and it is about time we realised that the Government really does have our best interests at heart.


For more steaming piles of bullshit, and thick layers of sarcasm visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kulture. 


Written by Roland Barnacle

Collage artwork by Arnie Canoe

How the stars relax part 17: Jeremy Clarkson

I love dressing up as Snow White

Jeremy Clarkson, Mongoloid headed cock stick, and the human equivalent of gum disease likes to relax by dressing up as Snow White and spending the weekend as an arse gimp in local S&M chambers.


To see more extracts from 'How the Stars relax', and more assorted lunacy go to www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Universe.


By Roland Barnacle

Cut-up T-shirt design: Rhythmic Salutations

I raise my glass in a toast to...

The above image is actually a T-shirt design and comprises of a cut-up text about the Kodo drummers of Japan as a background, yet with a rather inebriated, ventriloquists dummy, with a police photo fit constructed face as a fore ground.

Although this image and design is rather old now (1992ish), I still love it as it was my first venture into T-shirt designs, and still retains that odd linear cut-up feel of misplaced words, phrases, and entire paragraphs that in a strange way work when in a way they should not.

As for the image of the inebriated ventriloquists dummy, the reason for this is in some ways to obscure parts of the text, and in other ways to add a surreal splash of colour and form to an already disjointed background image.

For more collage imagery, abstract artwork, magazines, and other assorted lunacies go to www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kulture.


By Heston Quiff

Love your Life: CD inlay for The Harridans

Is your life worth whingeing about

The above image is an inlay to a CD by experimental Lo-Fi band The Harridans.

In the foreground you can clearly see the emaciated figures of the prisoners of war as they endure the terrible conditions they find themselves in after their capture.

The background however is a brochure for summer breaks around the country in such places as Cornwall and Devon.

When I put this CD inlay together it was to show two completely opposite sides of reality: The first represents the harsh, hellish side of life that some of us have to endure, and have had to endure, while the other is to many of us representative of heaven as we sun ourselves on golden beaches, yet still finding the time to moan about the price of an ice cream oblivious of the hardships that some individuals have to deal with in their lives.

The Harridans music is about separating the light from the dark, but without diluting, or ignoring the true nature of reality and all contained within it.

The list of songs contained on this CD by The Harridans are as follows:

1: Chilblains, Migraines, Dunblaines
2: Decline
3: Don't forget to defecate on the hymn sheet
4: Ever-Dwindling status of celebrity morons
5: HAARP death ray
6: I am the eye in the sky

For more information on The Harridans music, artwork, and videos go to www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Reality.


Collage by Arnie Canoe

Music by The Harridans

Fat Cabs: Part 1

Fat Cabs struggles to take the call

Sweat rolls like warm salty rivers down the gluttonous face of 'Brian Smudge' the Fat Cabs radio operator
Eyes bloodshot and heavy
Like sacks of soil laden spuds
Narrow his eyes like coin slots on an amusement arcade machine
Roll upon roll of blubber wobble like jelly as Brian struggles to reach the Fat Cabs radio which is blaring out on the table
Shaking violently and wheezing like a giant red and pink balloon expelling hot air, Brian desperately tries to raise his colossal arms in a vain attempt to reach the radio's controller
In an almost life and death struggle
Brian's morbidly obese frame shuffles 2 inches towards the table
Sweat and tears mingle
A dark patch the size of small dog appears around his football pitched sized crotch 
The radio continues to call out on the table top
Summoning up all of his failing energy
Brian makes one last gigantic effort to reach the radio's controller
But just as his sweat and piss soaked frame lumbers only inches from the controller
The radio falls silent
Leaving poor ole Brian
To make the godforsaken journey
All the way back
Across the room
And into his favourite
Steel reinforced chair
Carefully positioned
Right next to
The cream bun tray


For more instalments of 'Fat Cabs' and other comic strips go to www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere alternative kulture.


Written by Tommy Dandruff

Drawing by Charlie Cornflake

Abstract art squit 18

Abstract 18

This abstract image is a more minimal approach to some of my other pieces of work, but I have chosen to use very thick lines of paint along with larger bodies of paint blending together to create more balance to the eye.

I have used acrylics for this piece and decided to keep the colours basic and without any mixing to alter the tones.

The colours of red, white, and black are very primal, where as the green represents a very natural earthy blend to the mix.

All of my abstract artwork can be viewed on INK Ltd's website, along with comic strips, magazines, collage imagery, videos, music, and much more.

To view all of INK Ltd's alternative kultural output, along with all links to blogs, music, and literature go to www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Universe.


By Heston Quiff

Royal Mutations: Part 1

The Hereditary inbreds striking a pose



Here we have a wonderful Royal portrait just in time for the Queen reptoids Diamond Jubilee celebrations.

As you can see from this image though the Royals have been caught whilst shifting from one form to another, and unfortunately the result is a rather Royal mutated mix up.

Such a shame this rather awkward mutation has happened at such a perfect moment, and what is even worse is the fact there is the very high probability that this will happen again as this is part one of a new Instant Nowhere Kulture segment entitled 'Royal Mutations'.

For more scathing dissections of the Royal reptoids, reptilian updates, reptilian diary, surreal short stories, celebrity mockings, and a whole world of alternative Kulture go to www.instantnowhere.com for a slice of an Instant Nowhere Universe.


Written by Hector the Mute

Image by Arnie Canoe