Missing Favourite Sofa Poster

This poster is a plea to anybody who may be able to help in my attempt to find our favourite sofa which has been missing for well over a week now.

Our sofa was last seen in our living room at home, and was happily being lounged on by our cat called 'Branflake', and our Dachshund 'Officer Dibbles'.

Myself and my family are unsure of what happened next as we were busy playing 'Hide the bucket' in our back garden with our neighbours Mr and Mrs Chin, but on our return to our living room, ready to watch a repeat of 'The Crystal Maze' on challenge TV, we noticed our favourite (only) sofa was nowhere to be seen.

For days we searched our estate, whistling and calling out our sofa's name (which incidentally is Derek) in the hope he may appear from around a corner, or out from under a bridge somewhere..but alas he did not.

An eyewitness has come forward and said that he noticed a sofa matching the same description getting into the back of a removal truck, but as yet no removal company has come forward to confirm this sighting, and the eyewitness is now back on curfew making it difficult to follow up.

Both myself, and my family have spoken to the police on a number of occasions about our missing sofa Derek, but unfortunately we are reluctant to speak with them again as the pepper spray really does play havoc with my sinuses, and our boy 'Jub' is already on his last warning for breaking into an ice cream van last summer.

So if there is anybody out there who knows anything, or knows anybody who may be able to help us if you could please contact 'Crimestoppers', or alternatively you can contact us directly on the details below.

Many thanks:

Mr and Mrs Slazenger De Void
18 Lower Fridge Lane
The Combine Harvester Estate
East of Dudley ring road
First left past the burning tyres
Ignore the Wicker man
Straight ahead
That's it right next to the grain silo


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Collage poster by Arnie Canoe

Written by Roland Barnacle