Abstract art squit

Abstract 11

This abstract piece of artwork was inspired by the viewings through a microscope of different types of cells in the human body on a science programme.

The slightly translucent overlaying of cells looked really abstract to me at the time and infinitely complex, yet beautiful in a serene way.

All of the natural flowing movements of the cells made me realise how even the smallest layer of life has grace and value.

I have used water colours mainly as well as some inks, fine line pens, and round nibbed marker pens to help merge the colours together.


By Heston Quiff

Would You Trade Your Body For Theirs 2: Britney Dunghill

Would you ditch your sex life for extra limbs?

With the continual bombardment from the mainstream media telling us how we should look, we thought that we would highlight the people who don't look right and ask you the reader:

Would you trade your body for theirs?

This particular mutant is known only as Britney Dunghill, and has been born with six arms, six hands, and 30 fingers. These arms are part of Britney, but allows her to multi-task by carrying shopping bags, straightening her hair, engaging several lovers at once, opening doors, holding an ice cream cone and coke bottle, all at the same tme. Although this unsightly octo-woman is blessed with extra perceptory limbs, the way she looks is too sickening for the Hollywood A-list wannabes out there.

So think have a think about it and let us know the answer to the ageless question:

Would you trade your body for theirs?

Send your reply to:

Lieutenant-Colonel Bodysnatcher
15 Creosote Avenue
Wymondham
Norfolk
NR5 9AS

Monarchy Figurines



Monarchy figurines: the gruesome twosome

There is a really annoying couple of people who have recently been thrust into the public spotlight by a bored media. They have as much charisma as a dried fig, shrivelled and spat out by a diseased badger. Their sense of style is dictated by vermin being paid far too much tax payers money to adorn their 'common' subjects. I am talking about Princess Kate Middleton and her plain jane sister Pippa. Although both are never out of the 'news' these days, they have absolutely nothing worthwhile to say and they are in the news for no reason other than to add a shot of life into the decaying corpse of the royal family.

My own favourite fairy tale being spun about the prince and the pauper, or anti-christ Prince William an his common wife Princess Kate, is so laughably inaccurate that it hurts. But alas the other common folk believe Kate and her sister to be from their socia strata. Such illusions are hard to break but if you do a modicum of research you realise that 'plebeian' Kate is in fact related to Prince William through a common ancestor. Kate and her sister are also from a wealthy family and only date royalty or high flying bankers. Gee, how I can relate to the world they come from. They could almost be my very own sisters.

So the point of this picture is to draw attention to the fact that every brainwashed woman and girl in this country is obsessed with the arse of Pippa Middleton and with the clothes both Kate and Pippa wear. Behind the facade of sibling kindness there is a deep, dark narcississm in preening through Pippa, who is possibly the most overrated female in history. Alongside this is the nervousness and awkward posturing of Kate who is probably a little bit concerned for her own safety given the fate that befell Princess Diana after she accomplished the Roya Family's goal of being their broodmare. Once Kate gives birth to a son and heir to William how much longer will she last?

That said I hope our readers will enjoy thinking about what kind of clothes they can fit Princess Kate and her beautiful, stunning, truly splendid, talented, gorgeous, amazing, perfect, goddess-like, sister, Pippa.

God Save the Queen and her lovely children.

By Raygun

Everyday Free World Photos 6: Billboard

The pinnacle of the free world!

It doesn't matter where you are in the free world, as long as you are outside, one of the greatest examples of freedom of expression can be seen everywhere. Yes, it is the advertising billboards that splatter across the free world landscape in a metaphor of freedom in action. 

 

It truly is glorious to see the many different sized and shaped billboards and other advertisement boards that are on display quite literally everywhere in the free world.

If you have the money you too can advertise your company or even yourself on as many of these wonderful billboards as you like. A nationwide campaign is preferable in order to really get your product / service / company / yourself into the nation's consciousness. The longer you do it for the deeper your results.

Don't forget though, it can be addictive and once you have your taste of true freedom you can never have enough of it. That is why you may see the same companies displaying the same type of advert over and over again in a glorious exhibition of corporate freedom.

There truly is nothing more inspiring for anyone than the high profile view of a company displaying its largesse in a 50ft high billboard on the M1. In the words of Shelley: Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!

The empire of freedom shall always prevail!

 

By Penelope Itchy

How the stars relax part 14: Britney Spears

Ooh I do love a spit sandwich

Britney Spears, Spam headed drug mule, and inventor of the spit sandwich, likes to relax by attaching herself to giant home made rockets, and launching herself over local trailer parks. 


By Roland Barnacle

Hangman and the Gimp

Kneel down to your Master

This drawing was conceived very late one evening after a long day at work with my flattened nose firmly pressing against the grindstone.

I thing it reflects my state of mind at the time of one being restricted, choked, and controlled by individuals who were, and still are incapable of tying their own shoe laces up.

Things are very different in my life now for the better, but this image is still a stark reminder of how work made me feel a few years ago now.


By Charlie Cornflake

Terror for Free

Mind if we come in luv

This collage was intended to be a poster for a gig by an experimental band called 'The Harridans'.

The gig never happened and as a result it has remained in one of my many art folders for some time now.

Black and White photography has always interested me far more than colour, so to see an image such as the SAS storming the Iranian embassy, as a Black and White photograph as opposed to colour, for me gives it much more of a menacing characteristic.

The 'Terror for Free' slogan not only referred to the content of the image but the fact that the gig that the poster was created for would have also been for free if it had gone ahead.


By Arnie Canoe