Please can you help?

MISSING GIANT MUFFIN

Please could you help me in finding my giant muffin that I baked over a week ago at my home in Croydon.

The giant muffin was to be a present for my neighbour as way of a 'thank you' gift for her deciding not to press charges on me for that unfortunate incident involving my winkle falling out when I was standing outside of her ground floor bedroom window late one evening a few weeks ago.

It was all just a terrible misunderstanding of which my neighbour, along with the police officers fully accepted, after I had explained to them that I do not normally forget to get dressed when going outside, nor do I allow my winkle to fall out when I am least expecting it.

Information as to the whereabouts of the giant muffin have been scarce, although there had been a report of a similar sized object sitting on a park bench next to Duncan Norvelle and a satchel full of discarded lard not far from where the giant muffin was last seen in Croydon.

The photograph of it inside a wheelbarrow was taken by my friend Alan Smart just after it had been baked, and is the only picture that we have of it to show to the general public.

If anybody has any information on the location of my missing giant muffin could they please contact Croydon police station, or Crimestoppers, or failing that one of the Gladiators, possibly Wolf as he was always the baddie on the show and needs a break for a change.


Yours hopefully


Mr Cedric Lawnmower Finch
102 Old Cobblers street
Not far from Dominoes Pizza
Close to the rear entrance of 'Silky Hands' Thai massage parlour
Croydon
London