"Hi, My name is..Part 1: Lee Majors

"Hi, Remember me"

"Hi, My name is Lee Majors". You may remember me as the star of hit T.V. shows such as "The Fall Guy" in which I played a washed up, cumbersome, arthritic stunt man turned bounty hunter "Colt Seavers". You may also remember me as "The Bionic Man", and also as the star of films such as "The huge metal bastard", and also my whimsical self penned musicals "Veronica" and "My tuberculosis existence".  

But now as my career has faded away I have decided to become an inventor of action packed gadgets to enable all my fans (those still living), the chance to experience all the thrills and spills of my past action roles, but without the stints in rehab and A&E.

And so it is with great pleasure that I give to you my first invention "The Lee Majors Knee Catapult".

Using a combination of old Viking catapult technology, and by also working closely alongside NASA Free masonic Nazi Magician scientists, my design team were able to create a knee catapult so strong it was able to fire a Budgie into space using only a stage 3 tension out of a possible 10 (no Budgies were harmed during this experiment they were only killed to death).

Further test results showed that the "Lee Majors knee catapult" was also capable of firing "Paris Hilton" through a very dense hedge, and when tested by the United States Army deep within Area 51 the "Lee Majors knee catapult" was also able to fire a Stainless steel saucepan into "Johnny Depp's" flea ridden beard with no damage to either the saucepan or the beard.

The "Lee Majors knee catapult" can be fired from a standing position, missionary position, and even reverse Cowgirl, and utilises the best of 21st Century Hi-Tech materials such as Titanium, Horse hair, "Katie Prices" underwear elastic (very loose and giving), Strips of deadwood splinters from "Hugh Grants" ailing orchard of a career, and many other Top Secret Black Ops ingredients.

Sales of the "Lee Majors knee catapult" have sky rocketed straight to all "Poundland" stores worldwide, so be sure to snap up your very own "Lee Majors knee catapult" from a "Poundland" store near you while stocks last.

"Lee Majors" is currently staring as "Widow Twanky" in Pantomime at the "Bourbon Biscuit Floating Theatre". Tickets still available.

                                                                                                               By Roland Barnacle