Modified Chaney's Slaughter Appendix

Cut-Up and Sausages

The above cut-up piece of writing is a combination of two separate pieces of work from the files of Roland Barnacles 'News Just In' body of work.

I have spliced the two pieces together in a way that is meant to reflect the angular way that Roland writes, and puts together his work.

'News Just In' is a ridiculous, surreal, and at times pointless collection of fake news reports,  put together and reported exactly as any real news report would do. The two pieces of Roland's work I have chosen are 'Lon Chaney's Gibbering Appendix', and 'Genetically Modified Slaughter'. Both are equally as ludicrous and therefore work really well together.

As for the choice of image to obscure the text ever so slightly, this was chosen by Arnie Canoe simply because he really likes sausages even more than a dog does.


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Cut-up by Spartacus Mole

Written work supplied by Roland Barnacle

Image chosen by Arnie Canoe (had to put this otherwise he would have sulked)










 

Prince Charles first words

The pudding Heir to the throne

Here we have the wonderful moment when our pudding heir to the throne, after months of watching Andy Pandy and documentaries on the life cycle of twigs, utters his first joyous words to his father the Duke of darkness Prince Phillip.

A truly touching moment I think you will all agree.

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Written by Hector the Mute

Image kindly donated by Arnie Canoe

The Harridan waffle irons: Part 1

Inane waffle and dribblings

As Valerie Snatch waffled
Like a smacked out rhino
All mouth foam and head bobble
Her neighbour Brenda Bunion
Shell shocked by the verbal barrage
Could only nod in agreement
And answer
Out of politeness
Even though
She hadn't the faintest clue
Or idea
Of what the fuck Valerie 
Was actually talking about



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Written by Tommy Dandruff

Drawing by Charlie Cornflake

Savages in need of salvation

Who really needs saving?

Who are the savages in need of salvation...?

What we are indoctrinated to believe is a reality so false that everyday each and every one of us wakes up to participate in a staged show propped up by an underpinning of hideous lies of universal proportions.

The children in the image exist in their reality oblivious of other parallel existences running alongside their own. They are carefree and harming nobody.

Yet time and time again other more sinister individuals feel the need to control another persons existence, even though they have no right to, and this more often than not leads to bloodshed, misery, and even death.

So who are the savages in need of salvation...?


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Written by Roland Barnacle

Collage artwork by Heston Quiff

New NHS reforms poster

 

 

We care for your health

Here we have the new poster for the NHS after the newly proposed reforms have been implemented.

As you can see there will no longer be any need for a Hospital bed as an old chair, preferably recycled from a skip will be required. This will help to save cash, and this will also help to do our bit to combat Global warming which really does exist, and is not made up at all by the Globalists.

The recovery position is to be replaced by the 'Reclining' position and is quite simply the dumping of an individual into an armchair, settee, deckchair, or beanbag so they can recover in their own time. This will enable Hospital staff to get on with looking for another job as they won't be needed in the long term due to high patient mortality rates.

As you can see the reforms are for the greater good, and it is about time we realised that the Government really does have our best interests at heart.


For more steaming piles of bullshit, and thick layers of sarcasm visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kulture. 


Written by Roland Barnacle

Collage artwork by Arnie Canoe

How the stars relax part 17: Jeremy Clarkson

I love dressing up as Snow White

Jeremy Clarkson, Mongoloid headed cock stick, and the human equivalent of gum disease likes to relax by dressing up as Snow White and spending the weekend as an arse gimp in local S&M chambers.


To see more extracts from 'How the Stars relax', and more assorted lunacy go to www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Universe.


By Roland Barnacle

Cut-up T-shirt design: Rhythmic Salutations

I raise my glass in a toast to...

The above image is actually a T-shirt design and comprises of a cut-up text about the Kodo drummers of Japan as a background, yet with a rather inebriated, ventriloquists dummy, with a police photo fit constructed face as a fore ground.

Although this image and design is rather old now (1992ish), I still love it as it was my first venture into T-shirt designs, and still retains that odd linear cut-up feel of misplaced words, phrases, and entire paragraphs that in a strange way work when in a way they should not.

As for the image of the inebriated ventriloquists dummy, the reason for this is in some ways to obscure parts of the text, and in other ways to add a surreal splash of colour and form to an already disjointed background image.

For more collage imagery, abstract artwork, magazines, and other assorted lunacies go to www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kulture.


By Heston Quiff