The Graffiti Golems

As the Graffiti artist
Slowly crouched down
To apply the final touch
Of crimson red
Spray paint
To his beautiful
Piece of artwork
From nowhere
And in a flash of light
Appeared three goggle eyed
Dumb struck
Golems
And before the Graffiti artist
Was able to stop himself
He applied a crimson red
Streak of spray paint
Right across the faces
And smack bang in the eyes
Of the three
Gormless
Golems
Who were now red faced
Red eyed
And still oblivious
To where on Earth
They actually
Were


For more Golem artwork and adventures, surreal short stories, poetry, prose, savage celebrity satire, magazines, assorted artwork, music by The Harridans, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe your knuckles to an Instant Nowhere Alternative Universe.


Artwork and story by Arnie Canoe

The Adventures Of Pincer Boy

On a daily basis
Come rain
Or shine
Neil would sneak off
Like an incompetent ninja
Into his purpose built
Bat cave style lair
Which was in fact
A disused
Anderson shelter
full of cobwebs
Crusty paint brushes
And old pots
Of hardened paint
And not in the slightest bit
Purpose built
So he could put on
Whilst listening to
The theme from 'The Professionals' 
Which would be blaring out
And at least
An octave lower
Than the original theme
Due to failing batteries
And internal corrosion
From an old ghetto blaster
with single tape deck function
His 'Mask of Fear'
That was actually
A brown paper bag
With the eyes and mouth
Crudely cut out
And 'Pincer Boy' gloves
That had been made
Using an old pair
Of 'Power Rangers' socks
Enabling Neil
To be ready
For another round
Of scaring the shit
Out of his neighbours
And any
Unsuspecting
Passers by
With his alter ego
'Pincer Boy'
The boy
With Pincers
For hands
And his fearsome
Mask
Of fear


For more comic strips, drawings, surreal short stories, T-shirt designs, cut-up writing, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Alternative Universe.


Drawing by Charlie Cornflake

Written by Tommy Dandruff

Trevor's Feathered Suit

As Trevor staggered
Rather intoxicated
Towards Veronica
After drinking ten cans
Of special brew
And sniffing an entire box
Of perished super glue
Veronica stared
In a sinister manner
Whilst casually smoking 
A dog end
Recently picked
From the sole
Of her shoe
At the feathered
Figure of Trevor
As he wobbled in front of her
Like a giant
Epileptic Chicken
Veronica's dark
Sunken eyes
Looked Trevor up and down
And she smiled
A sickly smile
Before declaring
"Oh I do like a man in feathers"
Which prompted Trevor
To squeak a reply
Like some kind of
Giant
Feathered Mouse
Before instantly turning red
Emptying his bowels
Into the Chicken suit
And collapsing
Face down
Into a recently dropped
Half eaten
Strawberry Cornetto
Ice cream


For more comic strips, surreal short stories, abstract paintings, collage artwork, and more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kultural Universe.


Drawing by Charlie Cornflake

Written by Tommy Dandruff

Transistor Man

No matter where he goes
No Matter what he does
No matter what he says
No matter what he thinks
Transistor Man
Can always
Be heard
Blaring out
His favourite songs
From out of
His surgically attached
Transistor Radio
With single tape deck
Function


For more surreal short stories, comic strips, abstract paintings, collage artwork, T-shirt designs, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and immerse yourself into an Instant Nowhere Kulture.


Drawing by Charlie Cornflake

Written by Tommy Dandruff

Cedric's Colouring Nightmare

After a torrid time
Being rather violently
And extremely vigorously
Coloured in
By frenzied
Obese child
Using felt tip pens
And pencils
Cedric turned pale
Completely ignored
The man
With stitched up mouth
Who had also
Suffered
At the hands
Of the obese child
Gurgled slightly
Dribbled
A small trail
Of saliva
From the
Corner
Of his flaccid
Gob
Staggered about
Like a drunken clown
And attempted
As his eyes rotated
In his pasty head
To ask for
The directions
To the nearest
Public
Urinal


For more random weirdness, comic strips, surreal satire, abstract paintings, and magazines visit www.instantnowhere.com and immerse yourself into an Instant Nowhere Kulture.


Drawing by Charlie Cornflake

Written by Tommy Dandruff

The Special Brew Mix Up

On a daily basis
Brian Marigold Clog Esq
The mixed up
Dickensian fop
With urinating
Genetically modified
Pet thing
Would confuse
Every greeting
Conversation
Gesture
Or foul mouthed
Obscenity
As purely
Being aimed
At him
This would
Very often
Result in Brian
Being man handled
Rather roughly
Like a dirty dish cloth
Or a cage fighting Priest
And
On occasions
Would result
In Brian
Being unceremoniously
Tarred and feathered
On lonely housing estates
Chased by hordes
Of flame carrying
Numb nuts
These unfortunate
Incidents
Happen
Purely because
In Brian's world
There existed
Only one
Person
And that person
Was Brian
Marigold
Clog
Esq
Nothing
And nobody else
Existed



For more drawings, comic strips, collage artwork, and abstract paintings visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Kultural Universe.


Drawing by Charlie Cornflake

Written by Tommy Dandruff

Graham's tweed shirt seizure

Oh Jeez..not another seizure...

As Julia shuffled slowly towards her husband Graham
Wearing a brand new
All in one
Over head dress
Topped off by a Dennis Healey eyebrow face mask
It all became
Far too much for poor ole Graham
To deal with
He gently started to raise up
Onto tip toes
His red tie began to flap
The tweed shirt Graham was wearing started quivering under his tank top
He started to gently dribble
And as his eyes started to roll in their sockets
Graham started to gently mutter "Oh jeez...not another seizure"
Over
And over
And over
Again
Until exhaustion
Caused him to collapse
Onto the bedroom floor
Face down
Amongst Julia's
Lacey
Underwear


This drawing was created in winter 2003 along with a few other drawings and comic strips.

I very rarely use colour in my drawings, and tend to keep things very black and white, except for maybe the odd splash of red here and there.


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Drawing by Charlie Cornflake

Brynner F.U.B : Super Evolved Man

I am a super evolved Man

The above image is an original picture and is based loosely on an old boss of mine.

Whilst working for a company a while ago now the Director, who incidentally was a 28 stone morbidly obese piece of shit, decided to state that the reason he was the size he was, was simply due to the fact that this was a stage of mankind's evolution.

This statement was so hilarious I really found it difficult to believe that somebody could be in such denial as to their own state of being.

Although to be fair the guy was as thick as shit and was always hard at learning when at school, and was only fortunate to be in the position of a Company Director in the first place due to nepotism, and not through any hard graft or having any serious Business sense of his own.

Funny how this type of situation repeats itself a lot throughout life.


By Charlie Cornflake