Sordid Grief Hole

When the Instant Nowhere Korporation website is finally finished, we will be able to allow all of our good readers to see our vast bunker of material. So in the spirit of the season I thought we should give you a taster of our Jap's Eye magazine-thingy. The idea was to be going a little bit further than Private Eye would dare to go. After all, once you are establishment, pampered and perfumed by the rich, it becomes almost impossible to create anything of relevance. Isn't that right Mr Hislop, with your glowing accolades for the Rothschilds?

Anyway have a read of one of the recurring sections of the magazine titled 'Sordid Grief Hole'. Every episode will have a unique 'gripe' about the society in which we live by the adorable old Vera Snipe. Let her play her tune!

Sordid Grief Hole

By Old Vera Snipe

This week we have heard an awful lot of gripes emanating from the over-50s. The majority of these gripes have been because this socially abnormal bunch of chaps think that the majority of the British workforce is unskilled. In their day the whole of the British workforce were highly skilled and could hold their own with their foreign rivals. Nowadays, they say, our workforce could only hold its own begging the Third World parasites for a bit of their earnings and a place to sleep for the night. 

Jap’s Eye wishes to address this grievance for it’s gross inaccuracy. The British workforce of today is highly skilled... in alienation, idiocy, bureaucracy, inadequacy and all round mediocrity. These great skills that have been long cultivated in our country over the generations have been brought to fruition on our latest bunch of social outcasts who rule over all of us. The right honorable Tory-Liberal-Green-Labour Government has managed to bring us all of these skills and more benefits for our workforce that they have inherited from their forefathers. Things like cutting corners, selling everything off for a quick buck, denying all responsibility and failing to deal with the real world have been well-taught to this generation of young don’t-wanna-go-getters. 

Our parents never tire of telling us of all of the things that they have done to make our lives better through their hard efforts. It’s true as well. They have brought us some very important measures that have ensured that the majority of us will be a lot, lot poorer than they were when they were of working age. They’ve given us 100 year mortgages, longer working lives, fully privatised education, in-roads into privatising the whole of health care, transportation and just about any other service you can think of, as well as the destruction of the equal-for-all communist states that used to trouble their malignant liberal minds. Such great gifts have been well-treasured by this new generation and thankfully due to the impoverishment this has caused has led to a whole new wave of criminal masterminds.

Due to such low levels of crimes that lead to convictions, our forefathers truly have excelled in their drive for criminal justice. They have made the dear criminal the one true celebrity left in this country. Someone who has celebrity status for actually doing something! Yes, it’s true. These mindless thugs who stab up unsuspecting passersby, the crack-head gunman who shoots children in the face, street muggers, violent rapists and burglars have all finally been given a bit of a reward for their troubles. It now feels truly unsafe to walk the streets. So luckily this has meant a lot more nights in for those formerly troublesome young people. The only ones on the streets now are violent psychopaths put their to keep order. No, I’m not talking about the police because their hands will be tied up with their unnecessary bureaucratic administrative work. Things that are far more important than actually doing any police work. Unless of course you live in a very well-to-do area and the biggest problem you would get there anyway is having to listen to a celebrity confiding in you about their 400^th time of going into rehab to kick their little heroin problem.

So we would like to say: calm down dad. This workforce is more skilled than any other. We have been taught well by you guys and appreciate everything that you have done for us. Unfortunately your gripe has missed the mark, but at least you still have an extra 5-10 years to work thanks to your own diligence in raising the retirement age. At least this way you can try to supervise us more thoroughly and come up with some even better strategies in crushing our resistance. 

Fact of the working day:

It is a well known fact that British workers increase productivity by inspecting their waste fluids. The picture to the left demonstrates this activity taking place in some offices at Dundee, Bonny Scotland.