Walking Labia Part 2: Meg Ryan

Are you interested in having bionic legs?

Here we have a perfect example of a patient straight from the corridors of the Baron Frankenstein school of plastic surgery with a 'trout pout' that looks more like a labia than a mouth.

'Meg Ryan' along with many other actors, and actresses have succumbed to the notion that by having grotesque plastic surgery, lips the size of rubber rings, and other surgical procedures such as the 'Cranial twizzle', and a recently developed technique called the 'Non-surgical chin slap', that they are prolonging their careers for an infinite number of years. This is clearly nonsense.

The movie industry as well as the music industry, only has a need for a mind controlled slave that will mindlessly promote, advertise, and take part in the Illuminated Industries sinister agenda without question. These Illuminated individuals could not give a rats cock what moronic vegetables like 'Meg Ryan' look like so long as they serve their masters.

So what next for people like 'Meg Ryan'?

What if the newly promoted Illuminated accessory for all the fake plasticated mind slaves in Hollywood was to have false legs? No need for airbrushing photos. No more cellulite. No more fat. The false legs could be bionic making jumping through dense thorny hedges, and over really tall brick walls a walk in the park. All that would be required would be the removal of your own legs, and $100'000 of your Corporate shill money for a set of bionic legs, and a month in the Baron Frankenstein school of plastic surgery. Then the work would just roll in like never before...unless the Illuminated Industry decide you are past your sell by date that is.


For more savage celebrity satire, ludicrous political humour, walking labia, music by The Harridans, assorted artwork, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe your thigh's to an Instant Nowhere Alternative Universe.


Written by Roland Barnacle






 

The Baron Frankenstein School Of Plastic Surgery

The Baron Frankenstein School of Plastic Surgery has all the answers to your superficial facial concerns.

As you can imagine the woman above would lead a life of misery due to the fact that she has the face of two painted children instead of two eyes, a nose, and a mouth. But for only £150 this lady is able to transform her face into something altogether more socially acceptable, and alluring to the opposite sex, saving her from the pain of living her life like that of a social leper and a freak.

Surgical techniques available for £150 are as follows:


1) The cranial knee stretch

2) Rosy cheek bleaching (for the arse also)

3) Nose brow configuring

4) Ear sculpting

5) Dr Chisels elbow tightener

6) The floundering Trout mouth


So for only £150 you too could transform your life with the help of our highly skilled, and CRB checked Romanian surgeons who, due to Government visa restrictions, will only be available for a short period of time before deportation.

Remember, The Baron Frankenstein School of Plastic Surgery can change your life from that of a socially inept reject, into a Hollywoodised stepford biped, and all for the price of a cheap night out with one of the cast from Holby City.

So go on....Transform your life at The Baron Frankenstein School of Plastic Surgery.


For more comic strips, fake news reports, surreal short stories, cut-up writing, prose, poetry, abstract paintings, and much more visit www.instantnowhere.com and subscribe to an Instant Nowhere Parallel Universe.


Collage by Arnie Canoe

Written by  Roland Barnacle