Google AdWords and AdSense: Con trick part 2



Google AdWords Drones

Funnily enough... When we cancelled our Google AdWords account, the sinister mind-controlled drones of Google got in touch with us. Hypocrisy, incompetence and stupidity never sounded so sickening until these corporate whores tried to regain our custom.

Our main advice is thus: cancel your Google AdWords accounts because it is just a scam.

Here are the emails below. The first one is from Google AdWords:

Hi there,

We noticed that you haven’t been running your AdWords ads lately — which means you’re missing out on new customers and sales.

Re-open for business on Google.

Sign in now and reactivate your ads

If your AdWords results have fallen short, you can make big improvements with just a few small changes. To make your ads more effective, check out our free online tutorials for quick, simple ways to manage your bids, weed out low-performing keywords, and attract qualified customers.

Make your ads work harder with these 3 tips:

Invest in clicks that turn into profits. Think like your customers — bid on keywords they are already searching for. For ideas, click on the Tools and Analysis tab in your AdWords account, and select the Keyword tool. Want to see which search terms people are using to find you? Run a Search Terms Report.

Stretch your budget further by avoiding unwanted clicks. Tell us when you don't want your ad to run by choosing negative keywords — when people search on these words, your ad won't show up. Negative keywords can help you stay on budget, keep uninterested people away from your site, and bring you more qualified customers. Learn more about negative keywords.

Draw the audience you want by creating specific ads for each keyword list. Instead of creating a few general ads, separate your keywords into ad groups by theme or audience, and create ads that are more specific. The more you focus your ads on what your customers want, the more business you’ll get. Check out this online course for more tips.

We look forward to seeing you back on Google soon!

Best wishes,

Maria
The Google AdWords team

Our response is as follows:

Dear Maria,

Thank you very much for following the great Google tradition of hypocrisy and unprofessionalism.

As advised to your colleagues working on the Google AdSense scam, I really do not appreciate being addressed as 'Hi there'. Not only is it disrespectful and unprofessional, it is also extremely lazy. You have not even bothered to address me by name even though you have my name in your contact details for me.

Working for a large corporation, where everyone is depersonalised and just another number is the reason why the world is in such a mess. Unfortunately for you, your daily life is spent directly serving such a master.

The reason why I have decided to stop using your AdWords scam is very simple. Although your colleagues at AdSense arrogantly proclaim that they can disable our AdSense account with no reason or evidence for so-called 'invalid click ratio', I wlll explain the reason and provide evidence for you. Because that is what a decent human being does in a modern-day democracy. Your company ethos is obviously in the gutter looking up at your heroes: Henry Ford and his good chum Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini, Admiral Horthy, Augusto Pinochet, Idi Amin, and a whole host of bloodthirsty dictators.

Reason for not using Google AdWords: You have provided our company with an invalid click ratio.

Evidence for invalid click ratio: Because your own colleagues in Google AdSense have told us so: if we do not receive any sales for the clicks we have had (100 per day) then you need to refund the money we spent.

Quite simple really.

I have requested the money to be returned and for evidence of invalid click ratio for our Google AdSense account or to have it reinstated.

Until this is done you can take a running jump into a vat of sulphuric acid.

Kind regards,

 

Director

Instant Nowhere Korporation Ltd