How the stars relax part 4: Lindsay Lohan

I am an arse Clarinet virtuoso

Lyndsey Lohan, Septic Venezuelan knee wart, and time travelling blob of smegma, likes to relax by shoving a clarinet up her arse and playing the back catalogue of 'Acker Bilk'.

By Roland Barnacle

Urban Dictionary: FHMd

Pronounced 'fummed', this is the experience a young lady has when she appears in any man's magazine with very few / or no clothes on. Whereas in the past it would be seen as low-brow, tacky and socially unacceptable for a young lady to appear in such a state in such a public manner, it is now generally accepted as the rites of passage for a young lady to become famous or to increase her fame. It has become so ingrained as part of western culture, that many young girls want to become FHMd when they grow up and see women who have been FHMd as role models to aspire to become.

The British tabloid newspaper called The Sun began the process of FHMing young women via their printing a new topless woman on page 3 of their paper every day. This activity has since integrated with the social phenomenon known as 'men's magazines' to create an entire male-centered industry of FHMd young women.

Once a woman is no longer desirable she is excluded from the ranks of FHMable women and must find another activity to partake in.

Example: Lydia Dormouse has recently become FHMd by appearing semi-naked in several of the top men's magazines.